Sample chapter from my new novel Remembrance of Fading Dreams

You can read below a sample chapter from my new novel Remembrance - of Fading Dreams a sequel to my previous novel Recalcitrance based on events of 1857

"Stanley’s story became well known in Lucknow after the war. He had become a greatly respected person in Lucknow. He had set up a hospital which looked after the insane and the nearly insane. Such a thing was unheard of in Lucknow and people with members in their family that they believed were insane rushed to him seeing in him a ray of hope. As they reached his hospital and waited for their turn the story of his life in Lucknow was communicated to them and by and by the following story became well known.

Stanley left his wife at the doorstep of Acche Nawab where the servant girl and sister-in-law of Wazeer Ali waited for her and took her inside the house. Before she disappeared into the house Stanley saw Rosemary wave to him. He waved back and rushed off with Wazeer Ali. Stanley had never imagined that he would not meet his wife for the next six months.

In less than an hour Stanley and Wazeer Ali reached the Residency sometimes dodging missiles thrown at them by people on balconies and sometimes lying down on the road to avoid being spotted by sepoys.

The Residency was a picture of confusion. Almost as soon as Stanley and Wazeer Ali reached the Resident’s office the firing began and the sepoys besieged the Residency for nearly six months.

Constant remembrance of the name of God helped both Rosemary and Stanley keep their sanity. Stanley always believed that God had trained both of them how to keep from going insane by remembering his holy name and so never blamed God or anyone else for their separation.

Acche Nawab remained true to his nickname which in Hindustani means the good Nawab. Being mainly engrossed in counting of rosary, namaaz and running several charitable organisations sitting or lying down in his bed, he had little time on his hands. He however did not forget to ask about the well being of his guest from his servants. People gradually came to know about Acche Nawab’s guest but it being a lady and that too pregnant no one really bothered Acche Nawab with inquiries about Rosemary.

Stanley was deeply pained by his separation from Rosemary for the first few days but then set about using the siege and his inability to move out of the place as an opportunity to study insanity in great detail using all the notes he had prepared over a period of several years.

After six months a large relieving army lifted the siege of the Residency in Lucknow and an opportunity was presented to Stanley to take away Rosemary. They had only exchanged letters once a month during those six months but Stanley received word from Wazeer Ali’s wife every week about how she was doing at Acche Nawab’s house.

Lucknow was the very picture of confusion during the lifting of the siege as most sepoys and their supporters moved towards Kaiserbagh which they mistakenly believed was about to be attacked. Taking advantage of the situation Stanley went with Wazeer Ali to Acche Nawab’s house.

Acche Nawab welcomed him in his baithak. On seeing Acche Nawab Stanley could not control himself and taking his hand he kissed it and then pressed it against his eyes and started weeping. Acche Nawab said smiling ‘Big men do not weep and you are a little too big for our country.’

Stanley met Rosemary in her room. She lay on the bed being attended to by Wazeer Ali’s wife. She smiled weakly. Her baby was due to be born in a month. Stanley could clearly see that she was not fit even to descend the steps of Acche Nawab’s house. They parted quickly.

Stanley went to Acche Nawab again who had read his mind and said ‘Do not worry my child.  I am sure you will be able to come back soon. In the meantime Allah had made arrangements so that I am able to tickle a little baby soon. I have no children of my own because I never married but always missed playing with little ones. Now Allah has answered my prayer. As long as I am alive not even the Devil himself can cross this threshold. Go without a care about your wife. She is like a daughter to me now.’

Stanley knew, having kept the company of many spiritual people, that the truly holy never do their acts of charity selectively. Their charity flows like a river quenching the thirst of anyone who comes in contact with it.

Stanley was advised to go to Cawnpore with the army that had lifted the siege. Once there he used the time to find volunteers for the project he had in his mind.

Stanley returned after four months. He greatly missed seeing his son who was born a month after the siege of Residency had ended. He was informed of the birth of his boy by a note from Wazeer Ali in Cawnpore.

Only the biggest guns in the world which were directed at Lucknow could douse the flames of recalcitrance temporarily but it took four months from the end of the siege before a white man could go about freely in Lucknow. At the earliest opportunity Stanley visited Acche Nawab who had an infant in his lap throwing about his limbs and squealing.

‘Here comes your father you little angel!’ saying this Acche Nawab lifted up the little boy from his lap.

Stanley took his boy  and closed his eyes and said a prayer.

‘So what are your plans? Will you leave soon? Will you deprive me of the pleasure of holding the little one in my hands?’ said Acche Nawab and Stanley almost felt a tear fall from his eyes.

Stanley said with great resolution ‘Nawab Saheb we will not leave this city unless you permit us. I do want also to work in this city and if you allow we will try and help people in other parts of the world but we will only move when you permit.’

‘Ah! May Allah bless you! I will not keep you here for long but at this point of time even if I had to beg to keep the infant near me I will do so in spite of being a Nawab’ said the old and invalid man who had never been infatuated with anyone the way he was with Stanley’s son."

Download my novel for free!

You can download my novel at the link below
http://pdfcast.org/pdf/recalcitrance-novel

Recalcitrance still on shelf after nearly 2 yrs!

I was overjoyed to see this - Recalcitrance still on bookshelf of the most famous bookshop in Lucknow - Universal Booksellers ! This is heaven !

Reviews of my novel

You all know how reviews are generated by big publishing houses and who writes those reviews. I neither have the money nor the contacts to have those kind of reviews published and perhaps I should thank God for not blessing me with those means.

Here are links to reviews by highly discerning people of my novel. I may add here that I have never met these awesome people but eagerly look forward to meeting them soon. Their review speaks volumes about their good breeding, education, taste and aesthetic sense. Do take a bit of time to read their blogs too, I found them really interesting.

Review of Recalcitrance novel by Mr. Paul Mathers
Review of Recalcitrance novel by Mr. Sarthak Varma

Review of Recalcitrance novel by Ms. Mridula Dwivedi
Review of Recalcitrance novel by Mr. AH

Review of Recalcitrance novel by @@NeutralBeholder
Review of Recalcitrance novel by Ms. Sangeetha Kodithala

Review of Recalcitrance novel by Mr. Akhtar Husain



Excerpt from a review of my novel 'Recalcitrance' by Mr. Paul Mathers, himself an author and a poet ...
What happens to Lucknow in the story is really something I think everyone should know. Although the story goes as it goes and ends how it ends, there is hope at the end of it all I think. Narenderlal says earlier in the book at one point "Remember what Mahatmaji at the Ghat told us: the mother conceives a baby and thanks God for His blessing. She goes through enormous trouble during those nine months and then there is the horrible pain of childbirth but it brings forth a wonderful creation, an image of God Himself. On being shown the face of the infant the mother forgets all her pain and hugs the little creature to her bosom. Also sometimes the baby is still born but the mother does not say to God: do not give me anymore babies, but eagerly looks forward to another birth. Similarly, he had said that our country is going through a painful phase but this will end bringing in a new life. However, this struggle must be continued if any such thing is to happen."Those words have stuck with me so much in the past few weeks.

The building which witnessed outbreak of 'mutiny' of 1857

Though I was interested in the so called Mutiny of 1857 from the age of 8 when I heard stories about that event from people who were born in late nineteenth century. However books on 1857 were not easily available or I did not know about them. Also as a student I never had the money to buy a lot of books. When I dropped out of medical college I had a lot of time on my hands and started research on 1857. I got to know about Mandiyaon or as western historians call it Muriaon - that was the site for the original cantonment for the British in Lucknow. The present cantonment only came up after events of 1857. So one day I took a primitive film camera and went to Mandiyaon. I did not expect to see any buildings from 1857 still standing - and lo what happens I saw Polehampton bungalow the only surviving building from that cantonment site that was left standing by the 'mutineers' really ex soldiers of the Nawab's army and 'native' soldiers of the company's army. They had burnt down everything else if we are to believe contemporary British accounts. There was a well beside the Polehampton bungalow and there were also traces of a gateway and a bit of boundary wall so it appeared to me that the bungalow was surrounded by some sort of garden and had a wall all around it. Due to tremendous hurry I was not able to incorporate this building and events that occurred around it, in my novel but I want to in a subsequent edition. I have the only photographs of this building in this world. I wrote about this building and one Hindi newspaper published the article on front page.
About three years back I got a digital camera and took this colour photograph of the building. Sadly an year back the building was demolished and a school has come up in its place. So it was not just a building but the only tangible trace or relic of that brilliant episode - the start of the First War of Independance in Lucknow.

Now all that is left to commemorate that event is a sandstone and marble memorial dedicated to the British soldiers and erected by the British after things cooled down.

Where can u buy 'Recalcitrance' ?

I have received a number of queries from Lucknowites living abroad about availability of my novel. Well! As of now you can buy it either in bookshops in Lucknow or you can buy it online on

Ebay India or

Ebay International

If you live in Lucknow it is very likely that you have passed by this monument. It figures in my novel.